1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
