We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
