Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
