he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
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Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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