I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
