No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
