Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
