this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
