just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
