i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
