you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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