just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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