I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
