I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
