i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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