hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
