Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
