Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
