just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
