Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
