someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
