so explain again why im purple
no
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
