My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You're a waste of cheezeits
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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