remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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