capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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