I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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