Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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