Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Two words: blizzard sex
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