twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Found your dick twin last night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
