I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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