My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
