shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
