Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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