The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
