Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
