Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
