The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
