oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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