So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
