I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
