R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
