Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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