You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize