I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My pussy is not your playground.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
