Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
