whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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