How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
