sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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