Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
