i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
