I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
