Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
