go do what you do best...puke behind churches
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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