I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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