Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she told me i tasted like america
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
