She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
