I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
