He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
