i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
