I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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