So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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