come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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