WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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