One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
