Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
